


Secret

by WhatWeDo



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry Allen & Iris West Friendsip, Coming Out, Episode Related (kind of), Gen, Iris has a very emotional night, Reveal, S01E17 Tricksters, Tiniest mention of Barry Allen/Oliver Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:46:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatWeDo/pseuds/WhatWeDo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie knows Barry’s secret now, and he’s convinced him to tell Iris. But Eddie doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does. Iris is in for a night of revelations, and it’s going to be a bumpy ride.<br/>(Set after 1x17 Tricksters)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret

Eddie put the car into park, but didn’t kill the engine. Iris undid her seatbelt and reached for the door, but Eddie grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. “I haven’t been completely honest with you about this.”

Iris raised an eye at him. “We’re not spontaneously spending the night at your family’s cabin? You didn’t bring me out here to kill me, did you? Because if my dad finds out, it won’t end well for you.” She grinned at him.

Her boyfriend smiled at her, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Iris…” Eddie sighed. “You’re spending the night. I’m not.”

“Wh--”

“You’re staying here with Barry tonight.”

Iris’s mouth dropped incredulously. “Excuse me?”

“Look, Iris, I love you.”

“What does that have to do with --”

“Please, let me finish.” Iris looked at the intensity in Eddie’s eyes, and realized that something serious was about to happen. She nodded silently for him to continue. “I love you, and all I want is for you to be happy. I know that Barry is a big part of your life. You told me once that you feel like he’s changed since his coma. That you think he’s been keeping something from you. Well… I kind of found out what that is. And the two of you are going to talk about it tonight.”

“I don’t understand. Why all this?” Without breaking eye contact, Iris gestured towards the cabin. Eddie had called her as she was leaving work, told her to pack an overnight bag when she got home. He had his uncle’s cabin for the night, and they were leaving asap. She’d been excited at the idea of an impromptu night away. And now he was telling her that she was staying with Barry instead of him?

“Because you’re not going to like what he has to say, but you need to stay and hear him out. Listen to the full story. It’s important.”

By this point, Iris’s brain was spinning. What could possibly be so big and important that her boyfriend would drive her an hour out of town to spend the night talking to her best friend? “What is going on?” She asked softly, almost pleading. Eddie, desperate for things to make sense. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you. And I want you to be happy. And Barry is a big part of your life. Look, when we first started dating, and Barry was still in his coma… when I started to realize just how strongly I feel about you… I was afraid that he would wake up, and I’d lose you to him.”

“Eddie, I don’t--”

“It’s okay. I know now that’s not going to happen. I know that’s not how you feel about him. But he’s your best friend. You grew up together. Joe thinks of him as a son, which in a way kind of makes him your brother. And you love him. When you fight, when you think he’s keeping things from you, you’re not happy. And I want you to be happy. So you’re going to go in there, and he’s going to tell you his big secret, and you’re going to be mad at him for a while. But you’ll forgive him eventually, and then you’ll finally be happy again.” Here, Eddie hesitated before adding, “And I think Barry could really use you in his corner on this.”

Iris, for a moment, was touched. “Eddie, that’s--” But before she could even get the words out, her brain switched tracks. “Can’t you just tell me?” She was almost pleading now. She hated not knowing, and the more Eddie talked, the more scared she was about just what Barry’s big secret was.

Eddie just shook his head. “I can’t be the one to tell you. You need to hear this from Barry. Just… remember that this is Barry Allen we’re talking about, that he’s really a genuinely good person, that he cares about you, and that that he’d never keep anything from you unless he thought he had a really, really good reason.”

Iris took a moment to consider everything. She wanted to argue, to tell Eddie to take her home right this minute. But she also wanted to know what the hell was going on. “So you’re really just going to leave me here?”

“Yeah.” Eddie reached back and grabbed her hastily packed bag, passing it to her. “Barry will be waiting for you inside.”

“And how are we supposed to get home?”

Eddie reached out and squeezed her hand again. “If you need me, I’ll come get you. Cell service is spotty, but there’s a landline. Iris, please do this. You both need it.”

Iris clutched the bag and opened the car door. “Okay. But later, you and I are going to have a conversation about not lying to your girlfriend about overnight trips.”

Eddie grinned as she climbed out of the car. “Fair enough.”

Iris turned back before she closed the door. “And Eddie… Thanks.” Eddie nodded as he pulled the car into reverse, and waved. Iris turned towards the cabin, and braced herself for… whatever the hell was about to happen.

* * *

Iris stepped into the cabin cautiously. It was warmly decorated and gave off an immediate air of coziness. Apparently, Eddie’s uncle had good taste. The decor wasn’t what grabbed her attention, however. That went straight to Barry, who had been pacing nervously along the couch until she entered. Now he stood facing her, looking, well, terrified. Iris dropped her bag on the floor, and crossed the room to Barry in just a few strides. She threw her arms around him and pulled him into a tight embrace. After a brief hesitation Barry returned the hug. They stood that way, silent, for a long moment. Finally Iris let go, and pulled Barry down onto the couch with her. “What’s going on Barry? I thought you knew you could tell me anything.”

Barry nodded, “I do know that. Of course I do. It’s just -” Barry couldn’t even meet her eyes. “I have reasons. For not telling you before. I wanted to, I swear, I just… couldn’t.”

Iris frowned. She was torn between sympathy for her friend’s obvious anxiety, and demanding he tell her everything this instant. She settled for a combination of both. “Bartholomew Henry Allen, there is nothing you can say to me that will change how I feel about you, but you’d better start talking because Eddie has me half convinced that you’re about to tell me you’re a space alien.”

Barry’s mouth dropped at the use of his full name. No one ever used his full name. At least, not since he was fifteen and Joe had caught him smoking his first and only cigarette. “I promise I was born on Earth to human parents. But Eddie only knows half of what I have to tell you. But he doesn’t know that he only knows half. And I don’t know where to start here. The part that he knows, or the part that he doesn’t kn--”

“Barry! Stop!” Iris was a mess of emotion. Frustration. Expaspiration. Annoyance. Anger... Fear. “Just. Tell. Me. Now.”

“Irisimgay.”

It came out of his mouth so fast that Iris almost had to ask him to repeat it. When his words finally registered though, it was her turn to drop her jaw. “You… you’re…” Iris reached around and smacked him on the back of his head. “You put me through all of this… for _that_?” She stood up and began pacing, practically seething. “I cannot believe-- Did you really think--” Frustrated tears filled her eyes. “You. Are such. An _idiot_! _That’s_ your big secret? That’s what you’ve been keeping from me?” Iris stopped mid-pace and turned to face him. “Did you really think-” She sighed, and sank back down onto the couch, still facing Barry. “Did you really think I’d care? That’d I’d… what? Stop loving you? Were you really afraid to tell me?”

Barry shifted. His knees were pulled up to his chest. He still couldn’t quite look at her. “No, of course not! I mean, kind of. Not really.” He sighed. “I don’t know how to explain.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Barry, there’s never been anything that you can’t explain to me. Just… talk. Tell me everything. Start at the beginning.”

“I don’t even know when I started realizing… there was never just a moment when I knew. I guess it was just always there.”

Iris reached out and and turned his face towards her. “Look at me, Dummy,” she said fondly.

Barry kept talking. “But I wasn’t sure, you know? And I guess, at first, that’s why I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t until college that I really knew for sure that… that I like guys.”

“Okay, we’re definitely coming back to that later. Keep going. Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Because… I knew, in my head, I knew that you wouldn’t care, that it wouldn’t change anything between us. But even though I knew that, without a doubt, I couldn’t take the chance that I was wrong.”

“Oh, _Barry_.” Iris pulled him into another embrace, feeling her heart break a little bit, her eyes filling with tears again. “I promise. This doesn’t change anything.”

“I know,” Barry mumbled into her shoulder, his voice thick with tears too. They sat together like that for what could have been hours. If Iris felt a sense of release that this was out in the open between them, she knew that Barry must be feeling it tenfold. But the conversation wasn’t over. As they pulled apart, Iris gently wiped the tears from her face, as Barry scrubbed at his. “So,” Iris was careful to keep her voice even, “if you’re gay, why the hell did you tell me you’re in love with me?”

Barry’s eyes widened like a deer in headlights, then he dropped his head into his hands and groaned. “Oh god. Iris, I’m so, so sorry about that. You have no idea how much I regret it, and want to pretend it never happened.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t tell me _why_. You owe me that much at least.”

Barry didn’t talk for a moment, and Iris let him gather his thoughts. “There was one thing… one thing that always made me wonder… if maybe I wasn’t… completely… gay.”

“Was it me?” Iris’s stomach flipped. How the hell was she supposed to feel about _that_?

Barry nodded into his hands. “I just… I loved you so much. Still love you. But I think… I mean, I did… realize that I don’t love you the way I thought I did. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. And I’m sorry that it did. I’m sorry that it hurt you. I do love you Iris, but I was wrong about being in love with you. It’s more like…”

“Like a sister?” Iris asked softly.

Barry nodded. “Yeah. Like that.”

Iris punched him softly on the shoulder. “How can such a smart guy be so dumb?” she asked with mock exasperation. “I forgive you. And for the record, I love you too. As a best friend. And as a brother.” Just like Eddie had said in the car. There was another hug, this one shorter, before Iris giggled. “How on earth did Eddie find out? Did you tell him? Or…” Iris gasped, and pulled back from Barry, grinning. “Did he _catch you_ with somebody?”

“What? No!” Barry seemed horrified by the idea. “No, this is the part Eddie doesn’t know. I didn’t say anything to him about this.”

Iris blinked. “So Eddie didn’t convince you to come out to me? Then what made you decide to tell me now?”

“Well…”

Iris squealed and threw her arms around Barry _again_. “You met someone! Who is he? Tell me everything right now.”

“Um…”

“Come _on_ Barry. I at least need some good gossip out of this. It’s only fair.”

“I’m not sure what you mean by _fair_ ,” Barry protested with a smile and roll of his eyes, “but can you accept that I’m not ready to talk about it? It’s new, and it’s complicated. Really complicated.”

Iris let out a disappointed sigh, but nodded. “Okay, I’ll let it go for now. But only because you just took a really big step. Don’t you think for a second that we’re done talking about this though. You still need to tell me about _college_.” She narrowed her eyes on the last word, leaving no misinterpretation to her meaning. “Is there any food in this place? This might take a while.” Barry let out a groan, but dutifully followed Iris to the kitchen area. As Eddie had promised, the cabinets were fully stocked and they quickly set to work preparing a simple dinner of pasta and pre-made sauce heated up on the gas stove. As they ate, Barry filled Iris in on a few of the college experiences that he had previously neglected to mention. By the time they had finished their meal and cleaned up after themselves, Iris was pleasantly full and smiling. It felt good to have Barry talking so openly and honestly again. She had missed this. She just wished it could last. “Okay. So Eddie doesn’t know about your new secret someone. So what is it exactly that he thinks we should be talking about right now?”

Barry froze. The light atmosphere was suddenly gone. He gripped the back of the kitchen chair as though he could no longer trust himself to stand on his own. “You’re going to be so mad at me.”

“Yeah, that’s what Eddie said too. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still love you. It just means you did something stupid.” Iris tried to brace herself for what was coming, but at this point she honestly felt clueless. Could it really be so bad?

“I should have told you sooner. I should have told you right from the beginning. If I had told you then, you wouldn’t have been mad at me. I wouldn’t have had to keep making stupid excuses and covering things up. I’m sorry. I never meant for this-”

Barry was rambling. Again. “Stop. Barry, just stop. I don’t want excuses, I want the truth.”

“It was the lightning.”

“What?”

“It was the lightning.”

Iris sucked in a deep breath. “This is about your coma? Oh god. You’re sick, aren’t you?” She felt like she’d been hit by a car. “How bad is it? How could you keep that from me?” Fear for her friend and anger that he’d keep something so important from her battled to be the first emotion out of her.

“No! No, it’s not like that. I’m okay. Totally healthy. More or less. According to Caitlin.”

“Barry,” Iris gritted her teeth. This night was turning into one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. “Just-”

“I’m the Flash.” This time, the confession was almost too soft to hear. Almost.

“That’s not funny.”

“I know.” And with a blur of red, Barry was standing on the other side of the room. Iris whipped around to face him. “It was the lightning. When I woke up from the coma, the first thing I did was go see you. At Jitters. That’s when I first realized something was happening to me. That dish that fell. It was like it was happening in slow motion.”

“Shut up!” Iris was surprised to hear her voice shake. “Just shut up. Don’t talk.” Tears were streaming freely down her face. “You can’t be. You’re not him. Because you wouldn’t do that to me. Because that would mean-”

Barry took a step towards her, “Please, I can-”

“No.” Iris stepped back from him, fighting the intense urge to just run. It felt like there was a vice tightening on her heart. Breathing was suddenly harder. “You and Eddie were right. I’m mad.” No, she was furious. She was angry and hurt and confused, and wanted to throw something. She knew instantly why Eddie had brought her out here. He’d made it clear that he thought this was important and wanted them to deal with it now. He had to have known that she’d want to get away. Out here in the middle of the woods, there was no escaping this. There was no one else around for miles, which meant there was nowhere she could go to get away from the Flash. From Barry. But she needed to think. She needed to process. “This is what’s going to happen. I’m going to go outside. I’m not going to go anywhere, because I’m not stupid enough to risk getting lost out there, but you’re going to stay in here. You’re not going to talk to me until I say it’s okay. Because I’m going to have a lot of questions, but I need to figure out what they are first. Understood?” Barry nodded, and Iris walked out the door. Pulling it shut behind her, Iris didn’t make it any farther before sinking down to the ground, her mind whirling.

By the time Iris even considered moving the sun had disappeared completely, and the air was cool. Grateful that Barry had had enough sense to leave her alone, she rose slowly and stretched out her stiff joints, then began walking. True to her word she didn’t go anywhere, just paced the front length of the cabin. Her mind had calmed somewhat, and she set to work putting her thoughts in order and figuring out exactly what it was about Barry’s revelation that had made her so angry. It was another hour before she finally made her way back inside. Barry had fallen asleep on the couch. She crossed the room and shook his shoulder. “Come on. Get up. It’s time to talk.” Barry was awake and sitting up immediately. Iris lowered herself onto the couch beside him. “You should have told me.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I sh--”

Iris held a hand up to silence him. “You should have told me. And I’m upset that you didn’t. But we can deal with that later. That’s not the problem. The problem, the thing that I absolutely cannot comprehend, is why you would come to me as a guy in a mask and pretend that we don’t know each other. And keep doing it. Over and over. And then let me go on and on to you about how much I wanted to find him… _you_ , how I thought he was a hero and everyone should know about it... Do you think I’m a complete idiot? Did you think it was funny? I don’t understand. That’s what hurts the most. Because the Barry Allen I know would never be so cruel.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Barry’s voice was almost pleading. “I went the first time because you were so determined to find him. Me. I think… I guess I kept coming back because I wanted you to know it was me. I wanted to tell you so badly-”

“Then why the hell didn’t you?” Iris shouted. There was no response to this. Instead, Barry stared at her silently, pleadingly, and Iris knew. If he wasn’t defending himself, it was because he was protecting someone else. “My dad knows, doesn’t he? He’s the reason you didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t be mad at Joe. He just wanted to protect you. Knowing puts you in danger. It makes you a target.”

“Any more than being the daughter and girlfriend of cops makes me a target? It’s not like I would advertise that I know who you are.”

“That’s why we wanted you to stop writing your blog. That’s why Tony Woodward went after you. We just want you to be safe.”

“I can accept that being connected to the Flash might make me a target, now that everyone knows he… _you_ … exist. But since I’m connected to you anyway, did you ever consider that it might make me safer to know that it’s you?”

“That’s the point Eddie made. And maybe he’s right. But I know you Iris, and I’m afraid that now that you know… you’ll take more risks.” He gave her a lopsided grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I never should have suggested journalism.”

“I can take care of yourself you know. And if I decide to take a risk, that’s my decision to make, not yours.”

“Under normal circumstances, of course you can. But we’re talking about some seriously dangerous people here. They can do things that normal people can’t, and knowing how to box can’t protect you from them. I will always want to be there to save you, but some day I might not be able to. It’s already happened before.”

Iris sighed. He wasn’t wrong. She thought back to the day Eddie had been shot by the Clock King. The Flash, _Barry_ , hadn’t been there. She had, and still did, assume he had a good reason. She sighed. She was still mad, of course. She would be for a while. And she would definitely be having a discussion with her father in the near future. She asked the next question that had been burning in her mind. “Why did you attack Eddie?”

“I’ve already apologised to him for that.” Barry said quickly. “A lot. It wasn’t really me. I mean, it was me, but it wasn’t _me_. I was kind of whammied.”

Iris raised a doubtful eye. “Whammied?”

“Yeah. By a metahuman who had the ability to-”

“Stop. Stop. I have a better idea. Why don’t we do this in order? I think you’d better tell me everything. From the beginning. Starting with the lightning.”

So he did. He began with waking up in STAR Labs, and told her everything that had happened since. Discovering his new abilities, almost immediately followed by discovering he wasn’t the only one. He told her about all the meta humans he had met since, and even some who weren’t. He talked about the man who had killed his mother, and about traveling back in time. Then he told her his new suspicions about Dr. Wells. Iris’s heart broke at her friends obvious distress over the matter. “He’s dangerous, Iris. He might have killed my mother, and I have to go on pretending that I don’t know that.”

“Oh Barry. I can’t imagine how awful this must be for you.” Iris squeezed his arm gently. “But you’re not alone with this. Dad and Eddie can help. And Caitlin and Cisco. Your _mystery man_ , if he knows. And I’ll always be there. If I can do anything to help. Even if it’s just to listen.”

Barry smiled at her. “Thank you. It’s… it’s such a relief to be able to talk to you about all of this.”

“So, have we covered everything?”

“Um… yeah, I think so.”

Iris grinned. “Good. You’re going to take me out for breakfast, and then I’m going to go home to get a few hours of sleep.”

“Breakfast?” Barry asked, looking at his watch. It was past six a.m. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Hell of a night, huh?”

“Yeah. So, we’re okay?”

“I’m not happy that you kept this from me. But you’ve been dealing with a lot, so if you promise to stop lying to me, then yes, we’re okay.”

Barry nodded eagerly. “I promise.”

“Good.” Iris pulled Barry into a hug. “I’m so proud of you. You’re a hero.”

“I just want to help people.” Barry returned the hug.

Iris got up and walked to the door. She picked up the overnight bag that had gone untouched. “Well Mister I-just-want-to-help-people, let’s get out of here.”

Barry crossed the room to meet her at the door. “Hold on,” he grinned and wrapped his arms around her, and Iris put an arm over his shoulder to brace herself.

“Wait.” Iris pulled back slightly, “one more thing. I know you said you’re not ready to talk about it, and I won’t pressure me to tell me who he is, but I just want to say that this thing you have with this guy... If it’s really so complicated, maybe it would help to talk about it. And when you’re ready, I’ll be there for that too.”

Barry smiled. “Thank you.” He tightened his grip on her. “Home first to drop off your bag?” She nodded, and before she could process what was happening, they were standing by her front door. “Do you remember when you got kinda mad at me for not telling you that I know Oliver Queen?”

Iris turned her key in the lock. “Sure.” She pushed the door open and stepped inside, then froze. Her eyes went wide. “Wait. Oh my god. I need details. Right now.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been out of the fanfic game for a long time. Craving feedback. Be honest. I can take it.  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
